A new chapter


I'm beginning a new chapter in my life. As I turn the page I wanna burn all the bridges that connect me to my past and destroy everything I have in my life so i can start again new. I don't want no friends, i don't want no lovers and i don't want no pity, i'll do everything my way, alone as I always was and without any help. Everyone i trusted either passed away or betrayed my trust or they discarded me like I was a piece of shit or something they didn't need anymore. I'm sick and tired of people like this, so I send a nice FUCK YOU your way. New page, no... It's not a new page, it's a new book. I'm gonna change my ways. No more mister nice guy from now on bitches...

Yes... This is what i dreamed about but it's not what i want...

I can't stop listening to a song... It has just a few lyrics but... It makes me start thinking... At the end of the song, there's a question asked... "Isn't this what you dreamed about?" I started thinking when i first heard it... I started thinking... Yes, this is what i dreamed about... I have some fame... I have some fans... I have a little future there... I can have almost any girl... But i can't find a girl that is worthy... I can't find a girl that i feel happy with... I'm addicted to romance... Giving presents... Flowers... Even if they are insignificant... This is what makes me truly happy... This is what makes me feel like i'm alive... Putting a smile on someones face... Not the fame... Not the popularity... I never truly wanted these things anyway... It was just something that i thought i needed... But it turned out wrong... In every way... Now i have everything i wanted... But i don't have anything that i need... I feel like I've betrayed myself and everything i was... I need to change back to who i was... Cuz who I've been hates who i am... And who I am now... Well... That's another story...

What if?...



I would just die to find someone worthy to give a rose to... Is that a bad thing ? Is it a bad thing to want to put a smile on someone's face ? Is it a bad thing to love someone ? I'm sick of making people cry and to see only suffering beside me... Sometimes i just want to put an end to it all... Or to put an end to myself... Is that a bad thing ? I know it's bad not having someone to be there for you... And in times like this i feel like I've lost everything i ever knew... I'm a junkie for romantic shit... And i guess i'm a junkie for being romantic with someone... But, when no one's there ?... When you feel alone ?... What's left to do then ?... I've wasted all my energy in something i believed in, that i feel like I've got nothing left to give... Is it bad fighting for something you want to do ? Giving up everything else ? I feel like I've reached the end of my line... Is it true ? Is anything else for me ?...

In club (trip)

M-am chinuit cateva minute sa ajung pana la bar sa imi mai iau ceva de baut pentru ca simteam ca mor de sete. Am ramas singur intr-un final, era ora 4:35 dimineata si eu simteam o nevoie disperata dupa o bere rece. Intr-un final dupa ce ma observa barmanu imi da berea si eu ma asez pe un scaun inalt si imi aprind o tigare. Muzica facea tot barul sa vibreze, oamenii dansau in jurul meu dar eu imi vedeam linistit de bere si nici ca vroiam sa fac altceva in momentul ala. 3 tipe incep si danseaza in stanga mea, toti barbatii din club se uita la ele si incearca sa le agate, dar fara succes, ele refuzand pe oricine. Ajung prin dansul lor undeva in fata mea pe cealalta parte a barului. Miscarile lascive atrageau privirile tuturor. Muzica devenea din ce in ce mai ritmata si la fel si ele. Deodata totul in jurul meu parca incetineste. Totul in jurul meu parca incepe si se deformeaza, fetele devin hidoase, totul se misca atat de incet si parca insasi muzica suna acum ca o incantatie proasta. Oamenii incep sa aibe chip de drac, culorile se intrepatrund, luminile parca se materializeaza si te lovesc ca o bata de lemn. Totul este un haos total pe care nu il mai pot intelege, dar eu stau in continuare pe scaun si imi beau linistit berea. Nu ma mai impresioneaza astfel de momente din viata mea. Sticla din mana imi explodeaza si imprastie bere si cioburi peste tot. Simt o intepatura groaznica in zona sternului. Pun mana si constat ca sunt plin de sange. Cum? Nu e posibil! deodata trece cineva prin spatele meu si ma loveste din greseala. Totul era normal. Ma controlez pe piept si nu aveam nimic. Mai iau o gura de bere si ma ridic de pe scaun ducandu-ma in alta parte a clubului. Noaptea asta inca nu a inceput calumea!